valentine's day

"Because I have not given you anything for a long time and because you never ask for anything...Happy Valentine's day" and he produces two black Macys box, which hosts two exquisite pieces of jewelery. I was astounded, bewildered, flabbergasted, and all other synonyms that would surmise my unadulterated, catapulting surprise at this utterly unexpected indulgence. Part of me wanted to cry because it felt like I should. But how would that look! 'Is it that ugly?' Indeed not. But it definitely felt like a "Will you marry me moment?" And you know folks I have always felt a little cheated on the proposal front. (My parents proposed his parents for our marriage when we were youngsters. thassit. End of story.) Hence, our marriage was desperately lacking a bend on your knees anecdote. We owed it to ourselves. Well, yesterday night's moment filled in for that missing pair of shoe.

Now to churn out a few pearls of wisdom on Valentine's day, and I shall do this without drawing attention to the fact that I know nothing about love but since I am now formally anointed to the elite group of castaways, The Married People, and perhaps before long it would be 2042 when I will be a soccer mom driving a Volvo full of caterwauling genetic offshoots, let me say that Love--

• isn't what you think.

• it's not ancient Greek drama, hence has no beginning, middle, and end.

• and no, Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris don't share love; not even Love's impostor. 

Foot Note:
Hugh Hefner is the 84 year old owner of the billion dollar industry, PlayBoy. and Crystal Harris is a 24 year old super model who is marrying him for "love." of course.

Bored. All I need is a 9-5 engagement.

Nobody reads my blog. And this fact is finally gratifying. Because I have decided that like most bloggers with a general theme, I too will make my blog a springboard for purging, whining, and self-pity. (Hence I want no audience when I cant entertain). There is no point in keeping the charade of humor and fleeting smiles, when my life is hanging by the pink, hirsute tail of a dead, rotting rat. But I wouldn't want anybody to read posts like this. The vestige of my pride warrants that.
I have mastered the art of doing nothing. I have no school, no commuting to Stony Brook for 5 hours in a day, taking the 5/7 am trains, returning at 11 pm, no homework, or the in between pressure of being a superwoman and doing all the household cooking, cleaning, groceries, trying to please the husband and the in-laws, and marvelously failing to achieve the feat. Secretly I wanted to do it all by myself. And I still quite hate taking help simply because I can't make my face glow with twopenny facial of insurmountable humility when somebody makes a big deal about providing a helping hand. I am all for acknowledgment and gratitude, but not when you will shamelessly procure such validity through inflated reporting yourself! You won't see me needing you, any more, ever again. Anyway, so now I have no school, and nobody in the potential job market thinks that I am sufficiently skilled for anything, hence I have no job. So yes I have mastered the art of doing nothing, and of sitting very, very still at one place, and staring at one thing timelessly. I am, inadvertently, training myself to become a yogi living in a secret dungeon of silence located in the foothills of some imaginary, heated Himalaya, barricaded by such a thing as a wooden door and latch, and the only thing remotely intrusive in this perfectly tranquil world of motionlessness is the shuffling feet of the mailman outside the door at around 1:30 p.m. stuffing mails in the jaws of the letter box.
Sometimes I feel very, very creative like killing myself in a very Vitruvian man like detail. But then again, where is the motivation to be so artistic. Had it been so then half way through, I would have picked up a paintbrush or a pen. Also, I literally have no money. (and this is the first time I am missing the myriad possibilities attained by the means of currency. I cleared out my bank balance in my last visit to India, making random and might I say quasi-robust donations for my means to places like Mother Teresa's home, my dad's NGO, my father-in-law's-friend's hospital et al. I do not regret it ever. However, as I had expected, it did leave me unequipped for some luxuries). Hence, any socializing is on hiatus. And thus movies such as Black Swan, and King's Speech must play out in my head by the action-direction-production of yours truly.

Sometimes I feel the need to shout really loudly till the nerves in my throat levitate, and produce a meandering, agile crevice on the ceiling, or hatch open a bulb. But then again, I restrain. Who knows if bathroom singing becomes a career opportunity someday.

whatever

My humor bone is lacking calcium.

how we might save ourselves!

Perhaps, only by some form of threat from an extra terrestrial source on all of humanity can finally provoke us to dissolve our differences, religious and otherwise, and come together to fight a common cause with the realization and recognition of the only identity that really matters: being human.


Well, the thing is, during an emergency situation people tend to help each other more readily than otherwise. Like I am told, during 9/11 or during the huge power cut in NY (and at this point I know my Calcutta folks are jaw-dropping surprised to imagine power cut as a "national emergency") random people would give you rides, buy you shoes, food et al because the government made it mandatory to help fellow citizens. And no one really complained about that. People felt they were part of a common (suffering) group: Americans.
In the kind of world we live in today, checkered by religious tensions and wars, when humanity and peace are hanging by the thread, we perhaps need an extra terrestrial distraction (more suitably, an attack) which will force human beings to finally fight for one singular cause, and thus recognize, humanity. We need an apocalyptic episode in our lives that will knock some sense in our heads and force us to gain some perspective.

I wish we were frolicking about naked in Pangea, and that "plate tectonics" was just an ice cream flavor!

predilections

In order to be the recipient of epic love, or let's say in order to acquire a Pip or a Gatsby or a Heathcliff, a woman must necessarily be an Estella, a Daisy, or a Catherine. And even then those ended badly. Do you see why epic love is out of fashion?

are they really "people" who come and go talking of michelangelo?

FROM MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE LEARNED: umm... That there are dogs, bitches, pussy cats, foxes, chameleons, snakes, the duck-billed-platypuses, or the plain old lions! Precisely that it's an animal kingdom!
So what the hell am I doing here?

love

girl meets boy after 7 years. girl used to be headoverheels in love with boy back in the days. boy too used to like her secretly. their unspoken passion never fled, even though many girls and boys have crisscrossed paths in these years. finally they make their first date after seven years.

girl's excited friend, in the hope for a juicy, elaborate, romantic gossip, asks girl: "So! tell me tell me! any intimate moments?!!!" *with batting eyelashes, arched eyebrows, pupils popping, and a wide grin*

girl merrily answers: "well i don't know what you can classify as intimate. but when he was drunk and passed out, I had to wake him up and he held his hand for me to pull up :)... And then later he picked up his cat, and gave it to me to hold in my arms. And kissed the cat..." (and a little coyly she adds) "I thought it was cute..."


see how little we expect from our men ;)
all you need to do to make us feel intimate is to get drunk and kiss the cat :)