marilyn monroe

u know one of those romantic movie scenes which doesn't seem credible-- guy, tall and "well-built", which actually means FAT-- when about to propose to his lover, pulls out his ring from his finger, and slips it into the girl's finger. and amazingly, the ring fits her finger perfectly! what fat fingers you got girl!? and btw, she doesn't even mind this cheap bastard! sharing a ring? thats just disgusting

i refer to a scene from the movie "Blonde", the life of Merilyn Monroe. did u know that apart from being a sex symbol, a movie star, a beauty icon, a tramp, girl-who-didn't-wear-underwear, and what not!... she was also a woman, just a woman. miserable and hurt. very very hurt infact. talk about a turn of events, eh? i swear, had i drank a lot of water today-- i would surely have wobbled like a broken washing machine.
the movie made me so sad. even more sad, because everything that i heard as rumor about her, was actually true, and in spite of it all-- she was so beautifully, painfully lonely, like a painting hung in a museum wall.
u know, there is a reason why sad people are sad, and happy people are happy, and detached people are detached, and angry people are angry, and impotent people are impotent (i don't know why i added the last one, thought it fits).
we are kinda like the struggling artists. making art out of life. fine-art or modern-art. if your life turns out to be the fine-art kind-- u are a lucky man, good to go! but if your life becomes a modern-art-- u are one of those "nobody understands me" types. perhaps the only connoisseur of that kinda painting, will be your mother. and these kinda paintings usually end up hanging on her refrigerator door. she's the only one proud of you.

that line which people love using, "i'm just being myself" is such a load of crap! because if one-fine-day u truly ARE at your best dumb self, and try out 'just being myself', you will end up being-- selfish, fickle, unreasonable, fat, lazy, moody, or unshaved! may be even all at the same time. and you wont mind any of it at all! and very much at peace. if only the rest of the world could disappear!

so go get yourself unhairy for godsake! there are miles to go before... ...the hair stops growing!

Glascock 85th Poetry Competition

heyyyyyyyy

i was very sad for some hours-- precisely twenty-four hours!
in the Glasscock 85th Poetry Competition in Mount Holyoke College, where apparently Sylvia Plath, Shelly, William Carles Williams, Steve Eddison-- and a horde of other famous poets have read during the last 85 years and won, and where I read too! (yeei) but didn't win (waaa) was a peculiar experience.
I was the last poet to perform, and after my performance was over-- people rushed to tell me "u must win! u r definitely winning, u were outstanding! u were breathtaking, u were a pro, most powerful performance".yattiyattiyatta-- even 2 out of 3 judges told me "u were outstanding. an extraordinary performance"-- GUESS WHAT!! the next morning, they handed down the prize to someone else! wat the hell was tht? a practical joke? i was pissed.
on my way to the bus station from the college, the driver who gave us a ride, a white veteran--who hates baseball players making millions, whereas the American President doesn't...(i guess his point would be, even though he 's "playing" politics?)-- asked me, "how was everything?" me-" o it was good. not as much as I wished it would be though." him-" where did we fail you?" me-- "nothing in particular." him-- "aah...i see, so everything in general? hahaha?" no, you daft idiot -- everything in particular!
anyway, i was pissed. and i still am a little. and i guess i do a pretty bad job when i try to hide it. because when i consciously TRY to hide my disappointment, i end up making it more apparent. like the way i congratulated the winner, "hey! congratulations. " her-- "Thanks. but u had the best performance. u were breathtaking. i loved your reading the best". me--"thanks. but they still made you the winner" (huh! Tina control! do u understand the words coming out of your mouth!) she-- makes a confused facial expression, which probably translates as 'u bitch! did u just say what i think u said'. me-- "hehe...?!*&$...umm...hehe" i even suck at damage control. so i just shuffled away somehow, after having made myself and the girl end up in quintessential awkwardness! almost like getting caught with your pants down.
okbye. let me go sulk a lil more

Anna's birthday party

i had feared Anna's birthday party might turn out to be a blood bath, or at least a historic event of some significance, because UNLIKE hindi movies where A loves B, B loves C, C loves D, in our party there were invitees among whom A hates B, B hates C, C hates D and so forth. But because of God's divine interference;) ...correction, Divine Intervention (lemme be politically correct) that everybody went home in one piece, and hopefully with full pot bellies (we are a fat family. and our friends are fat too. and we move in groups. fat groups.)

M and i sneaked a lil girl talk. and since i am the untimely married one, and she's the timely unmarried one-- she had a breeze of 'how-is-after-marriage' questions. i filled her with meticulous details without sounding disgusting. i'm not sure if M ACTUALLY wanted to know, or if she was just being polite like most other people, who asks the harmless question, "how is married life", without expecting u to be honest. u do know they really don't care about YOUR married life. their own married life is messed up enough to think about! so all that they expect you to say is a short "good" or "ok". and leave. they dont actually expect you to say something like "sucks". partly becoz nobody is so outright, and also becoz if u say "sucks" then they HAVE to ask you again another unnecessarily polite question, "why so". now imagine someone sits to elaborate on that, something like "u know, we have a horrid sex life, becoz my partner sleeps on me during sex, and he stinks of beer and cigarette, and he beats me up, and to tell u the truth i have a crush on my father in law, and i feel like stabbing my mother in law, and i get this urge sometimes to spit on the food i serve, and and and". ahem. imagine the pros and cons of this astonishingly honest answer to a married-life-question, if such were to be true.
anyway, M and i being friends , i very happily narrated to her my married life with certain obvious dramatizations to make it look funny-- like it were some bedtime story. but after a point it seemed, she might in fact go off to sleep if i wouldn't stop. so i did. and then she started off with her bedtime stories... and so the chain continued.

o something hilarious. Anna's friends and their parents were playing 'RockBand'. and the parents were on the instruments. the 6 year old Anna's friend was on the mike. and these were the lyrics she had to sing, and incidentally she sings REALLY loud! -- "i'm getting mine. u r gonna get some tonight...." and THAT my friends, is the pinnacle of being a rockstar!

downfall in elevator

end of day, after Shakespeare class, i was in the elevator, when i overhear this AWEsome conversation: girl A reads girl B a sms, which girl A's ex-bf has written her, "i'm sorry A, but i had to dump you. she was far better looking with an awesome body. u dont even come close. i know i'm an asshole to do this, but in life u will come across many such assholes like me. so let this be a lessen for u." WHOA! unbelievable? believe it. frankly, i didnt know how to control my LOL! as sorry as the situation was for the girl, but look at her ex! watta guy! i mean, how smart is he? he dumps this girl (fyi she is pretty pretty! i dont know watta dumbass the guy is) on the sms. and next wat does he say "i am an asshole". pointblank. u cant say much anymore, can u? he says it for u. poor thing, girl A cant even complain or vent to her friends, "can u believe wat an asshole he was!" because he already SAID it dammit. it wont be original now.
so basically, her last shred of dignity-- swearing at him wholeheartedly before she storms out of his life-- is gone. why? becoz her ex took care of tht too! so now if she yells at him "you asshole". imagine his reply. "i told you so". no, no no, one cant let tht happen.
so this is wat girl A tells girl B after she has read the sms to her, "i knew it." huh? wht? tht he was an asshole? heck man, even i knew THAT! and girl B replies, "really he said tht?" naaah, she's lying. tht was just a practical joke.
duh?

but hey be honest, dont u wanna get one chance in your life to say those words exactly to ur ex or whoever? i mean i would love to say that to someone. just for once. "hey m sorry i dumped you. wat can u do, m an asshole!" ha ha ha.

this was to be posted last nite. but it slept on me

came home from school. really looking forward to a good dinner. o wait. who am i kidding! I forget I am no more in the days of 'whats for dinner!?'. now i am usually at the other end of that phrase. derrrrrn! how life changes. to think once dinner used to be Great Expectations, and now its great expected. *sigh* .
so where are we going? Micky D's Chucky Cheese KFC's:-)... and KFC it was

I made the 6:49 train today. which is both good and bad. the good thing being, i don't have to wait for the next exiled train, which comes after another two hours. the bad thing being the 6:49 train is officially the slowest train in this side of the world. hypothetical tourists, please take note of that. so by the time I finally reach Woodside, I don't know who to kill to vent my frustration. but somebody must die.
J was with me on the train. showed me her wedding pictures. they looked so happy and gay! (finally I could use this word in its original meaning). the whole time, there was this red face baboon sitting next to us, who kept watch over us. like why? checking to see if we cheat on our husbands or something
anyway, mean time let me go tend to my only husband. honey i'm home

for dada

some people just laugh. you don't even have to do much or say much to make them laugh. dada is one such. and i just latch on to his obsessive-laughing-disorder to find myself a funny girl. how reassuring. like take for example today. we chatted online. apparently both of us find ourselves wonderfully available to the rest of the world-- AT work. thts WHEN, and NOT where, we do all our socializing. i havent figured out if we are actually friendly ppl. when in a crisis, that is when all others have disappeared, and its only between me and the other-side-of-me left, thats when i try to think of current-affairs to talk about. believe you me (btw, what exactly does this phrase mean?) i know nothing about the world except in a general sort of way. its like one of those companies, say Microsoft, you know Bill Gates runs it, like the million other companies he does (he does rite?), but you dont know much about those others. so coming back to my social skills. i think i suck. but what is worse, sometimes i am masterly deceptive and give people the wrong impression. like i had fun talking or something. like that ever-so-polite way of leaving: "hey nice talking to you". cuhmon now, u know better
but coming bak to dada, it is rather nice talking to him. refreshing. we mostly talk about girls in his life. precisely, girls NOT in his life. that can just start about from anywhere, eh? Angelina Jolie or one of those hot women i just dont get it? but more realistically, girls who perch on his cushy pedestal for awhile and all of a sudden flock away with the rest. like its twilight zone or something, and time to return to their nest with someone else. he's perpetually stuck in the other-man crisis. but this other-man is more of a "u r like a brother to me". seriously girls, do u wana "thank" him or not? what kinda dumbass compliment is that? *sigh* wat can i say dada, girls just dont know what to do with the shoulder, AFTER they have warmly watered it. please girls, u need to 'dig' and 'nurture' it too. dont just cry and blow your nose upon it, and leave like some bed-wetter! seriously.
he called up ma yesterday. thats like the Iraq war ended, finally. and ma is ahead of all of us. she wants him to marry. but she forgets, where's the raw material? so she had this girl, her student, with the same initials NG, email me and add ME on Orkut. (why me?) and apparently she looks a fairer version of dada's ex. ok ma. grow up. do u really think thats the best idea? its like one of those movies where the drunk hero has sex with a woman he mistakes as his wife, under the blurring effects of alcohol. i dont know what ma's thinking. but it just feels wrong. i mean seriously, wht wud his friends tell him--you married a look alike of your ex? thats like marrying your ex, isn't it?
anyway.
my life. for one, today there was orange water in the bathroom. thot of calling the plumbers. refrained. the last time i had them over, it was like a reunion between them. 4 of them together in the bathroom, at the same time. yeah, i know! but perhaps not. but nevertheless, i was pretty pissed off that day. i had offered them cookies. good ones. and they refused. huh? that happens? apparently it does. and so i completely lost all respect for them.
so there, the orange water becoming tangerine now.
i have to write a response paper. this philosophy class i take. its a fun class. u just need to be deep in thot, so deep that ideally none should bother you, rite? wrong. we have to write response papers everyday. i mean EVERYDAY? i cant understand why? i suppose it takes tens of years for the philosophers to think and then write that out. what does it say to them if we make sense out of it in a day, and even write a response! thats just depressing. for the both of us. but thats just about it. i have now exactly thirty more minutes to be philosophical and write a paper. thats how screwed up we are!