everybody says I am fine

At the doctor's office. Everytime I visit my PCP the first thing she asks is "Hello Tina, how are you?" And I am all for courtesy. No problem. I mechanically answer: "I am fine. How about yourself?" And she gives a fleeting smile, and a brief "Fine", then asks "So, what seems to be the problem today?" As IF that is a whole other question! And both of us magically forget within a nano-second that I was oh-so-fine why just a nano-second ago!
Now all of a sudden, this last visit, which by the way was yesterday, it occurred to me that the first impression I made to the doc until today has ALWAYS been a lie! Of course. Don't you see it? I mean How much Fine can I be when I am evidently at a Doctor's office? I mean what the hell am I doing at a Doctor's office if I am really Fine? That just piles on Health-Insurance-guilt of some sort on my already hunched-back conscience. (and now that it's Obama's presidency, everybody is either aware or bewared about the Health-Insurance scenario. even that dog on the street knows. if the Alsatian is having unprotected sex with the Dalmatian, he better be aware that the puppies to come might just as well have mummy's spots. and no amount of "out, out damned spot" can ever have them removed. and of course no spot-lightening medicinal cream for dogs yet. ) I mean, of course I am not fine! why don't I just say it? What is this compelling need to say "I am fine" ? or is it all about being positive, and perpetually smiling, and sort of maintaining the corporate code wherever we are, and whatever might our professions be! everything has become an acceptable lie, and nobody is expecting the entire truth. Perhaps, not even the doctor at some level: something like, it's ok to complain about the chest pains or heart burns, and even the stomach ache with the constant diarrhoea or constipation... but draw the line right there woman! I don't need to know, and you don't need to give me graphic descriptions of the color, size and shape of the stool neither the silent farting all night, with or without the smell. That's just too much information. save some for later? Don't just say whatever comes to your head. I mean who does really want to hear something like "o my life is a gaping hole, and the sun spots seem smaller and more promising instead; but who could bear the heat or else I'd go live there! and since I can't tell you all this and make myself look like a pathetic loser or a constipated whiner, let's just say... "I am fine."' Fashionable. Expected. Succinct. Corporate. Time-saver.
Anyway, so yesterday. for the first time, when the doctor asked me "Hello! How are you tina?" I replied "Not so fine actually." nothing emotional about it. just an honest answer to a doctor. I realized it's safe at the doc's office to come up with replies like that and not seem cranky. She wouldn't be probing my heart. just probing my body.