not that i hate married life. i have a lot of respect towards all the married people in the world. its just that i dont have any respect for myself as a married woman, because most often i am convinced that i am doing it all wrong, and not following the "rule book" at all. you see, all my life i have been a non-conformist. not really because i wanted to. it didn't help. my *** hated me for that, later my *** hated me too... and by the time i left India, practically everyone joined the club. so i left the country. because it was getting stale, soiled, and i was losing my mind. which is not always the best "things" to lose. a purse is a safer choice instead. so one fine day, i decided out of the blue that i wud go to USA. and i convinced dad to buy me a ticket. ** hated me her all-time-high during that period. so i figured, it has started to pay off already. so i landed in USA. and then i find myself engaged in the first 4 months of my stay, because let me be honest, i was bored that summer. and needed an interesting turn of events to cheer me up. naturally now, it dawns upon me that it was all a curse of my experimental days, frankly put-- my foolish foolish days, when i couldn't be any more stupider and unwise and unthoughtful. i am pretty sure i have used up the entire quota of my foolishness allowed in this life. so beware of me from now on. i am gonna be smart as hell for the rest of my life!
post marriage, ever so often i am jolted with an avalanche of 'marital responsibilities' which like a loud gong, explodes my ears and head in a bizarre cacophony. it feels like Jim Carry in "Bruce Almighty" when he wakes up at the sound of million voices in his head, the whole bunch of whining humanity, asking for favors out of God. well, mine is not nearly as dramatic as that, but you see my point. or so i hope.
why does people, and by people i mean some very particular individuals i know, keep saying that if you are very ambitious you shouldn't have married. yes i shouldn't have married. but that could be a separate, independent thought by itself. becoz of how inanely inept i am for all the "marriage-life-rules" and some family politics and politricks u shud be aware of to steer clear of family gossip. but why is "ambition" such a doting enemy of marriage, i dont get it. they make it sound like anybody who is ambitious and successful, were all smart enough to not marry. aye aye... its a vicious circle. its not like the legitimate, "u are bad in math, so you should stay away from science". instead they make it sound like, if u are bad in math, you should stay away from all technology. so go fetch water from the well to take a bath. no using the shower. and using a computer is out of the question! if u need to know anything, just keep your eyes and ears open for aural history to pass on u. thats how our ancestors became learned men.
but here i am, expecting to see my so-called "ambitions" getting realized, along with making my marriage a success. u see, i am ambitious about my marriage as well. i tell ya again, its a vicious circle.
anyway, had i just lived with Raja, and none of our families hovered around us, and it was a perfect world, things would have been so much easier. and i cud be a hippie like i was. every now and then i miss the Golden Age. i MUST have had a life back then. or else why this nostalgia?
2 comments:
heh. interesting.
You have brought out a very interesting point. Ambition has nothing to do with marriage. Both can go their own sweet way and still be happy. The challenging part of course is to make them go their own sweet way and don't let them mingle. But you know, I am novice in this domain too....so you know its my view and not a thumb rule.
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