whatever

My humor bone is lacking calcium.

how we might save ourselves!

Perhaps, only by some form of threat from an extra terrestrial source on all of humanity can finally provoke us to dissolve our differences, religious and otherwise, and come together to fight a common cause with the realization and recognition of the only identity that really matters: being human.


Well, the thing is, during an emergency situation people tend to help each other more readily than otherwise. Like I am told, during 9/11 or during the huge power cut in NY (and at this point I know my Calcutta folks are jaw-dropping surprised to imagine power cut as a "national emergency") random people would give you rides, buy you shoes, food et al because the government made it mandatory to help fellow citizens. And no one really complained about that. People felt they were part of a common (suffering) group: Americans.
In the kind of world we live in today, checkered by religious tensions and wars, when humanity and peace are hanging by the thread, we perhaps need an extra terrestrial distraction (more suitably, an attack) which will force human beings to finally fight for one singular cause, and thus recognize, humanity. We need an apocalyptic episode in our lives that will knock some sense in our heads and force us to gain some perspective.

I wish we were frolicking about naked in Pangea, and that "plate tectonics" was just an ice cream flavor!

predilections

In order to be the recipient of epic love, or let's say in order to acquire a Pip or a Gatsby or a Heathcliff, a woman must necessarily be an Estella, a Daisy, or a Catherine. And even then those ended badly. Do you see why epic love is out of fashion?

are they really "people" who come and go talking of michelangelo?

FROM MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE LEARNED: umm... That there are dogs, bitches, pussy cats, foxes, chameleons, snakes, the duck-billed-platypuses, or the plain old lions! Precisely that it's an animal kingdom!
So what the hell am I doing here?

love

girl meets boy after 7 years. girl used to be headoverheels in love with boy back in the days. boy too used to like her secretly. their unspoken passion never fled, even though many girls and boys have crisscrossed paths in these years. finally they make their first date after seven years.

girl's excited friend, in the hope for a juicy, elaborate, romantic gossip, asks girl: "So! tell me tell me! any intimate moments?!!!" *with batting eyelashes, arched eyebrows, pupils popping, and a wide grin*

girl merrily answers: "well i don't know what you can classify as intimate. but when he was drunk and passed out, I had to wake him up and he held his hand for me to pull up :)... And then later he picked up his cat, and gave it to me to hold in my arms. And kissed the cat..." (and a little coyly she adds) "I thought it was cute..."


see how little we expect from our men ;)
all you need to do to make us feel intimate is to get drunk and kiss the cat :)

po(st) mo(dern) conversations/ or A Play in Progress

13:57 me: hey

13:58 Beats: hello

how are you doing?

me: and u?

Beats: lol..

haha...still the same tina

13:59 yes i am fine..changed my job

me: nice

i mean is it?

Beats: of course not

me: u got fired?

Beats: i wish

no i switched

14:00 so more pay and better profile

but i still have to work so that sucks

me:yes i know

the work thing

unfair

14:01 Beats: very..i want a cottage by the river where i can just write

and then travel to the city to do rap concerts

lol..

me: i just want a river. to jump down.

Beats: you can use mine

14:02 me: so the music is still your demanding bitch, eh?

Beats:

yes it is

music is my life

me: name of a movie?

i think i should be in the movies really

come to think of it

14:03 Beats: well we did make one

charurmatha

me: u r an illiterate

Beats: that is probably true

me: yesyes mann mein koi doubt mat rakhna (do not doubt that)

Beats: rakha hi nahi (did not doubt at all)

14:04 kambakht zamaane ne rakhne hi nahi diya (this devilish world never let me doubt THAT)

me: so how goes with old friends and family?

14:05 Beats: friends- R, A and F they are good

family my mother is fine and my dad is dead

14:06 my brother is in college so you know how that goes

me: thts nice

college... which?

Beats: bhaggu

14:07 :(

me: wht kinda rubbish college is tht

wht hav u done to ur brother

Beats: bhawanipore

don't tell me you don't remember that center of academic excellence

me: all the spoiled brats go there. then again... u DID live in Saltlake ;)

14:08 Beats: see..connecting the dots now

me: yeah i guess

so u shud rap ur way to NY, no?

14:09Beats: naah

my music now is too much about Indian politics

me: o good good

shove it in their ass

14:10 Beats: i got booed off a stage in Mumbai for saying Bombay instead of Mumbai

would you believe that

of course i ran back on! ;)

me: hah

funny

hehe

u got booed

Beats: (an then was dragged back off)

me: so sweet

14:11 with news like these life seems so worth the while :D

Beats: you find me getting my ass handed to me by the audience funny eh?

well i guess i would too

it is rather hilarious now that i look at it more objectively

14:12

me: so i see u've been busy

which is nice

Beats: you mean the music?

14:13 yeah well i had little choice in the matter..music is all i've got..it's all any of us has actually at the end of the day...

me: yeah all of it. ur music. changing jobs. dying fathers.

14:14 Beats: haha now that sounds poetic

you make my life sound half interesting

me: and half romantic

Beats: true

14:15 me: so did your father actually die in the physiological way?

or is it just your anger talking?

14:16 Beats: no he actually died

he got hit by a metro train after he collapsed on the tracks

in park street metro station

me: hmm... thts... a bummer

sorry to hear that

Beatss: yeah thanks

14:17 me: so how u taking it?

Beats: as any estranged son would

with a pinch of salt and a lot of tequila

me: hmm

14:18 o well waddaya know... tequila is a goddamn good drink

Beats: and don't i know it

14:19 there is a reason it is the official estranged son mourning drink

they don't just pick any drink for that you know

it's an honor

long island iced tea was in the reckoning too but lost by a landslide

14:20 me: tht drink gives an immediate headache tho

at least tequila waits till the next day

Beats: yes

14:21 me: hows ur mom and bro taking it?

Beats: mom broke down..

but she is okay now

my brother was very sad and upset at first but he is getting over it

14:22 i am the only one who had no emotional response...big surprise eh?

me: then again u bust politicians ;)

14:23 Beats: not really..my rants in rhyme make no difference

but it's fun

me: anyway if u ever need to talk... about anything I guess... as long as it's nothing smart or intelligent or worldly or academic or intellectual or meaningful... u can gimme a missed call. and i shall call u back

14:24 Beats: that's very sweet

i am reading your blog

do you still write poems

14:25 i used to love your poetry's honesty

me: i guess i don't write

Beats: why not?

you had such a voice

14:26 me: ah well. the voice remained. the words left.

so anyway, u coming to US?

Beats:

not anytime soon

14:27 i am too old to relocate now

me: but u ain't too old to travel my friend

14:28

Beats: yes i know

maybe i'll come down in a couple of years

14:29 me: tht'll be nice. i hope i see u some day. life seems awfully long without the occasional conversations

Beats: i know what you mean

14:30 i really wished you start writing again

i would love to read something by you

14:31 me: re-read this conversation. it went awfully nice! my best work since sometime now ;)

Beats: haha

14:32 well i shall make do with ur blog

it's on my favorites now

me: it's a piece of trash

Beats: so?

me: my whole life is a selection of trash

dig in

14:33 Beats: i love trash..don't knock trash

we are the royalty of trash..so let me revel in my rottenness

14:34 me: wait lemme whip up some leftover for u...

similar symptoms.

My heart palpitates faster. Like really throbbing loudly. Blood rushing to my head and face. My legs, my fingers, begin to tremble. I feel nervous. Sweat crackling in every fiber of my being. At times even a teardrop escapes, silently travels down my cheek...

No, I am not having sex.
Just a really loud, exhausting, heart-wrenching, argument. A bitter fight, rather.

I have realized that having sex, and having a nervous breakdown are really quite the same when analyzed down to the basics. It involves the same physical manifestations. Both can be equally exhilarating or exhausting. Hence, if you are in no mood for one, just imagine you are having the other!