office work

so at office I am usually a nomadic member, moving from this desk to that desk without a seat of my own, hoping someone will be absent at work whose seat I can oust for a day ...all this becoz they know I am not here for the long-haul and shall be gone once law school starts in a few months. today however, I was offered a whole big ROOM!! just to myself. so I am in this gigantic room all by myself, feeling a little overwhelmed and embarrassed considering that my boss is outside sharing his cubicle with two other people!! in a few hours, suddenly, I felt someone patting my head. half-looking I ask "do you need the room?" he answers, "no dear, you sit here" and leaves. within the next 15 seconds, my boss rushes in and says, "Tina you have to vacate the room immediately, the New York City governor is here, this is his room." !! and then I realize, it is David Patterson who patted my head, whom I nonchalantly offered my room, which as it turned out is HIS room! my foot is permanently in my mouth now :-/

fantasies

maybe it's the mind-numbingly monotonous work that i am currently attending to at the job (which tho i'm promised will get less boring soon) and the fact that my boss' head pops up from the cubicle right in front of me asking me every half an hour "so Tina are we ready to shoot ourselves for the monotony, yet?" that I sublimate for the lack of creativity by writing blog entries in my head, which btw turn out incredibly funny (again, in my head) :D Also I start fantasizing about writing and drawing comic strips at the New Yorker *sigh*

the women Part II

a woman must be as elusive, vague and fleeting as she possibly can. she must either strive to be a femme fatale or a confirmed slut. otherwise there is no point ;-P :-D

the women

for a woman it is of utmost importance to have a supportive family who makes things easy for her-- otherwise there is a real danger of her dreams and hopes getting dashed, and her talents thoroughly unrealized. and the possibility of her doing something beyond the ordinary in life is somehow somewhere lost one day...

the thing is both can be done with equal aplomb, family and career, if you have a supportive surrounding. if you don't then it's always a struggle. i feel sorry that even though society has evolved so much through time, and so many women have fought so hard to bring about women's "emancipation" so to say, yet people can get very unforgiving if a woman does not succumb to her traditional roles. for a man, he must "necessarily" be ambitious. i wonder why this is not just as taken for granted for a woman. if a woman wants to make it big in life, or have non-conforming priorities, she is labeled as "careeristic" or "ambitious." As if she is NOT the "usual" type. of course this is just my humble observation. also, i am not getting into the debate of whether it is wrong or right how society manages expectations in a gender-specific way, but I firmly believe in the importance of a supportive family. 

deception vs survival

"What happens if the memories you had repressed, those that you shan't recover from, those that had become fatal to your existence, those repressed memories of monstrous days suddenly resurface? You have been able to fool a lot of people, and most yourself. You didn't want others to know about the dirty laundries, and hence you made laundry look like fun, joyous and happy! But if finally you confront your true emotions it might break you, while others still may hold you in disbelief. You'd be a fool again. Yes, repression is survival to you, but deception to others."

Dear God,

It seems hardly appropriate to say "I have butterflies in my stomach." It's more like "I have dinosaurs in my stomach"- the really angry, shrieking ones at that. Tomorrow is LSAT- my moment of truth. But then you already knew that. In the last few years hardly anything has gone my way, and it's no compulsion on you God that you ought to make compensations tomorrow for things having not gone according to my dreams and hopes for so long... No no, no such pressure, please don't get me wrong. It's just that I would like to be able to make some people happy tomorrow. I know they have waited to see me happy, I mean really happy, for a long time now. I just want to be able to do that. That's all.

After tomorrow, I'd again go back to not nagging you... at least not in the next 3 years that is not until my bar exam... (but you are probably grinning at yourself as you read this and thinking 'alas if only...').
Anyway, I hope you will not stand me up tomorrow. cya then.

P.S Please look out for my friend Naheed as well. She'd be at the test center right across the street. So no hassles for you with commuting. And if you find yourself lost, use GPS.

endgame

After a point she finds a place to salvage the soul, elevating the mind to a space where only the spiritual, the intellectual or the artistic reside- where no one can find, cannot touch, cannot hurt… and while she plays the perfect hostess to the meaningless meaningfuls of her life every day, she’s secretly plotting her death all the time. Perhaps someday when something insignificant should occur, something that didn’t seem to matter at all, she would decide to leave the whistling kettle, unattended…

For she has long hoped that in death, she will find the sweet dignity of life.