Last summer I took a class in the Stony Brook Manhattan campus. The professor was a lady. A lady with a lumpy tummy and bumpy attitude. However, very NOT-pregnant (which I was assured later). Unfortunately, I had presumed otherwise. It was the same kind of pot-belly like shape just perfect to imply to a subway rider that "I am 5 months pregnant so won't you be a gentleASS and giveup your seat so I could rest my bigass!". Also, the blouse she wore definitely seemed like one from the maternity section of GAP. Well, who would have known that she just LIKES wearing airy clothes in summer! Like really, really airy clothes, ones that makes you look like you are hiding a Hot midget under your blouse, or simply may be you are pregnant. The more sane choice, that. Plus, what wasn't help at all was the way she ate chocolates in class like she were on a death payroll and this was her last chance at eating chocolates or any food! And then she had fits of temper (which is a rarity in Professors in US schools) because of which I naturally gave her the benefit of doubt that she MUST be getting bombarded by whimsical, temperamental pregnancy hormones. Because angry professors are just not the IN-Thing in US colleges yet. But who would have known that she was "just being herself!" What with the airborne blouse, and bloated belly and bad temper and harsh grades... it had definitely looked like a 'knocked-up' case! Anyhoo, so one day I was just making friendly conversation with her, after class. And the topic of female pregnancy came up (btw, the class I was taking with her was a Women's Study Class), and thus the occasion naturally presented itself, wherein I should ask "So when are you due?" And so I did. Immediately, her facial expression changed from that of a Roberto-Benigni-winning-the-Oscar (go check youtube for this) to that of a Hitler-just-found-out-his- girlfriend-cheating-on-him-for-a- Jewish- man. And to summarize the following embaressments in a nutshell would be that it turned out that she WASN'T pregnant! And that I am to be remembered forever. (for all the wrong reasons of course.) Especially during final grades time. Damn. My only hope now was to give her a REALLY bad evaluation (on Professor evaluation sheet/day) so that at least I will not EVER have her AGAIN in ANY of my class; NEVER!
But what dya kno! Come Spring semester of next year, and I have her again! Isn't it juuuuust perfect. In this existential, sadistic, synical world that we live in with a Lord that rules with an IRONy hand, that professor comes back to teach me again! How wonderful. And this time it was really tempting to infer, since her belly was HUUUUUGE, that she in fact really should be pregnant. Ofcourse, if she's not then Jeeez what dya eat woman! But this time it DEFINITELY, EMPERICALLY, as sure as Newtonian Laws, she looked gravitationally pregnant. THIS I was sure. There couldn't have been two ways about it. and YET, I was supremely skeptical. And even though I sat in the first row in class with the teacher directly lumbering around infront of me with her wobly belly almost directly looking at me, making fun, poking me a dare 'dont-you-think-I'm-pregnant, eh?', I tried not to look at it and concentrated solely on the pink hair of the girl sitting next to me. (later this girl thot I was hitting on her! wooooof... The ripple effects that comes with avoiding one situation!) Anyway, so end of class the Professor calls me outside. Asks me a few 'I-know-you-so-I'll-ask-you "how have you been" questions- even- tho- I can- clearly- see- you- are- hyperventilating- and I-know- the-reason-why' ! Talk about being cruel and sadistic. So after a few general, informal chit-chat, this is how she finishes our small talk, "by the way Tina, this time I AM due... (hihihi) I am due in June. It's a girl." Guess what's my reply! This: "Oh really!!!! I hadn't noticed." ummmmm... She gives me a wry, 'yeah-rite', smile and walks away.
